


Never Love an Anchor

by MelodyoftheVoid



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: ? - Freeform, Bad Parent Professor Membrane, Gen, Good Parent Professor Membrane, He probably shouldn't have been a parent, kind of, up to you
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-09
Updated: 2020-02-23
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:20:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22189306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MelodyoftheVoid/pseuds/MelodyoftheVoid
Summary: Membrane does some self-reflection.
Relationships: Dib & Professor Membrane
Comments: 23
Kudos: 92





	1. Chapter 1

_~On some level I think I always understood, that these hands of mine are clumsy not clever~_

If the scientists and interns who quit Membrane Labs had one commonality, it’d be the man himself. Complaints of long hours, lack of vacations, and Professor Membrane’s demeanor all culminated in many a harsh comment directed his way. 

“He should just make the rest of him a robot, it’d match his personality.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever met someone less qualified to actually talk to people.”

“God forbid that man ever have children; he’d treat them like another experiment.”

Not that those complaints ever really affected the professor, his dedication to the advancement of humankind mattered more than those dissenters. Especially that last one. What was parenting if not one of life’s greatest experiments? So what if he rarely used the home he’d bought all those years ago, his children would be incredibly self-sufficient and would contribute great things to the world. How could they not? 

_~And I tried to do the best that I could, but try as I might I couldn’t bring myself to hold you~_

The creation of Dib and Gaz would stand as two of the greatest days of his life. So many scientists in the field of Science had tried to create clones of humans, yet he had succeeded twice. As a courtesy to his new offspring, he decided he would delay the publishing of his study until later in their lives. As oblivious as he was, he knew bullying could negatively impact a child. He didn’t want that. 

Of course, with the advent of his new family members, came problems. Because of their age the two needed constant attention, and it was running him ragged. He hadn’t slept in at least three days and Dib seemed to need him the most. He needed to get back to work, he could spend more time with them in the future. Eighteen years was a long time after all.

_~It's a secret I keep tucked inside my chest, with this heart of mine that’s guilty not remorseful_  
_There is love that doesn't have a place to rest, but it would have buried you if it had settled on your shoulder~_

Feelings never were his strong suit. For as oblivious as he could be, he knew he could admit that much. Membrane understood the mechanisms behind them, the chemicals and what not, but the reasonings had always eluded him. Why children needed constant attention was beyond him. 

Deep in his heart, a part of him knew that if he spent more time with his children, it would lead to him throwing away years’ worth of research. He rarely did anything in half measures. But the world needed him and his works. There were so many problems left to solve.

The once a year dinner should be enough. 

_~On some level I think I always understood, that a ship could never really love an anchor_  
_So I did the only thing that I could, and severed the rope to set you sailing from my harbor~_

Time had a habit of getting away from Professor Membrane, but Dib’s graduation day was a date he had marked for quite some time. His child was about to move onto the next portion of his life, how could he miss it? 

As he sat among the throngs of parents, he heard their whispers of hopes for their children’s futures. So and so was going to vocational school, she wanted to be a beautician, a banker, a lawyer. He thought about Dib’s ambitions, not for the first time, and wondered where he went wrong. All of these parents had kids going on to respectable fields, why couldn’t Dib?

But the more he listened, the more he heard disdain for their chosen professions from a handful of parents, admonishment for not following the path of the parents. Comments of how much money their child could make if they only listened to them. How could their child throw away their future. It all sounded painfully familiar. It seemed every parent had expectations for their offspring that they could’t fulfill. And yet those same parents were supporting them regardless of their personal opinions on the matter. Maybe it was time he did too.

After the ceremony, the look of shock on Dib’s face cemented his resolve to do this. Had Dib really expected him not to come?

“Son, I’ve come to realize that I cannot stop you. You are as passionate about your... science... as I am about mine. I will stop trying to push you. You are an adult now, so if there is anything you need, just. Just ask.”

Membrane silently crossed his fingers, hoping his olive branch could help begin to mend this burned bridge. He couldn't recall the last time he'd felt this nervous about, anything really. He prided himself on staying calm under pressure but he supposed that this proposal meant far more than any pitch for his inventions. 

Dib blinked at him before smiling, still a bit unsure if this whole situation was real or just another hologram from Zim. 

“Thanks, Dad.”

Dib hesitated before stating, “I actually have one favor to ask if you'll hear me out.”

A few months later, his lab called him in a panic. Some sort of unidentified craft just breached Earth’s atmosphere. The blurry image they’d captured looked familiar to the professor though. He recognized the handwriting on the side that read **The Moth-man**. He smiled.

_~There are times where I still wonder about you, you are someone I have loved but never known._  
_And you'll never see the reasons I had for keeping my claws away when they were close enough to hurt you~_

It’d been several years since Dib took off for the unknown reaches of space, the public never connected the dots between his son's supposed disappearance and that ‘ufo’. The speed at which the public forgot about Dib almost alarming. The professor continued his work while Gaz went on to create her own game studio. They kept in contact, meeting up at least a handful of times a year, but neither heard anything from Dib. 

Membrane couldn’t keep himself from wondering if he was okay. He gave Dib the keys to his future away from Earth, away from him, yet the complete radio silence kept him up more nights than he’d care to admit. 

He realized he knew almost nothing about Dib one of these nights, and in a snap decision decided to look around his son's room. The elapsed time left a layer of dust on everything, adding to the melancholy atmosphere in the house. He glanced at the old posters and string conspiracy boards with a wistful nostalgia before finding an old journal. He supposed a small part of him did translate to Dib, he’d always taken copious notes.

Flipping through the pages he read through each log with a growing pit in his stomach. Sure, the pages of profiles on the various cryptids gave him a good chuckle, but the more personal entries shot straight to his heart. 

_~I am selfish I am broken I am cruel; I am all the things they might have said to you~_

One log in particular stuck with him. It seemed to be written right after that weird concussion-based hallucination he had all those summers ago, it read:

“Log 413: I don’t think I’ll ever hear those words from him again. I used to ignore the kids who said that dad didn’t care about me. Of course he cared, he just needed to work. His comments about my ‘insanity’ didn’t matter, he just didn't know the truth yet. And I could take care of myself and Gaz; I’d learned how to. Of course one day I'd show them all, and this time will all feel like a distant memory. But when he said I’m always proud of you, and that he had my back though, it hurt more than I could've imagined. In the moment it felt like vindication, but now that everything went back the way it was, it just feels hollow. Was ignoring Gaz and I his way of showing us he’s proud? Did letting me fuse myself to a chair prove he had my back? I almost liked it better before then, because now I’m not sure if one of Zim’s inventions kills me if he’ll notice or not. If he'll make up some rationalization and go on without ever knowing the truth. He still thinks that the Florpus was all some dream, does he even remember saying that to me? Did he only tell me he was proud because he thought it wasn't real? I guess I’ll never know.”

He really hadn't told Dib he was proud of him much had he.

_~Do you ever think of me and my two hands, and wonder why they never soothed your fevers~_

Another log detailed a bout of extreme illness, Dib theorized a violent strain of the flu, where at times the writing devolved into illegible scribbles. In one line, Dib wondered feverishly if the shadow of his dad would ever go away. Whether an imagined shadow or the real one, Membrane wasn't sure. All he knew was that it caused Dib at that time to shout at it, desperately asking why it, he, was never there. There were water marks on the page.

_~And wonder why they never tied your shoes~_

Dib wrote of patching up his wounds in solitude, of near misses that almost cost him his life, of bullies and the dimly lit halls of the Crazy House for Boys. The red marks on these pages a painful condemnation. 

_~And wonder why they never held you gently~_

He wandered back down into his lab, reeling internally. He really had wasted the better part of eighteen years never truly seeing his son for the wonderful bright child he was. How many times had he almost lost him? When was the last time he’d held him? When was the last time he’d been home for Dib’s birthday? Would he ever have another chance?

Did he even deserve that chance?

_~And wondered why they never had the chance to lose you~_

He looked up as the radar he’d set up in hopes of seeing Dib again registered a craft reentering the atmosphere. Maybe he’d get that chance after all.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some assorted scenes. I think I just like drawing/writing sad stuff, so enjoy!

**Author's Note:**

> This idea has bounced around in my head for a while now, and I'm really happy with how this turned out. The Crane Wives are an amazing band and you can check them out [here](https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCoPTtb6E_Z6J7gVa6E8Z_Jw).


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